IT'S THE JEWISH SPACE LASERS! - poem

  

Lawrence Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

 

IT’S THE JEWISH SPACE LASERS! 

THE JEWISH SPACE LASERS!

 

New Jerseyans threaten to shoot down unidentified drones amid mystery sightings | Fox News

 

“This planet shows no signs of intelligent life, Captain.”

 

-as Mr. Spock might say

 

 

Look at them sparkledy lights all up in the skies!

We’re being bombed by the Iranians!

They’re enemy drones, launched by Chinese spies!

No, they’re atom-powered Pomeranians!

 

QAnon is our infalib…inffal…perfect source of news -

We’re to get out our guns and shoot in the air

Whatever’s happening it’s the fault of them Jews

(But first let us pause for a moment of prayer)

 

Dear Lord, in your mercy, on this night so still

Just please send us someone or something to kill

 

                                                Amen

 

The Cold Kept Me in Today - short poem

 

Lawrence Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

 

The Cold Kept Me in Today

 

The cold kept me in today

With a book, my dog, and the fire

The slanting sun, each mote-dusted ray –

It was all very like dear Tolkien’s Shire

I Met a Man in Saint Elizabeth's Hospital Parking Lot - poem

 

Lawrence Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

 

I Met a Man in Saint Elizabeth’s Hospital Parking Lot

 

He looked at my brand-new knock-off boonie hat

Pointed to himself, and said “1970”

He rattled on about “Come and Take It” flags

And the “stupid mother******s” who fly them

 

“The mother****ing VC wanted to do that

And so I shot them d**n’ mother******s”

His wife was waiting for him, impatiently

Sadly, sadly, heard-it-all-before-ly

 

For he had been no closer to Viet-Nam

Than to some John Wayne movie

The Holy Eucharist and Then Apple Butter - short poem

 

Lawrence Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

 

The Holy Eucharist and Then Apple Butter

 

Church is where someone you don’t even know

Gives you a jar of homemade apple butter

And wishes you a happy Christmas

Somewhere in Syria There is a You - poem

  

Lawrence Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

 

Somewhere in Syria There is a You

 

Somewhere in Syria there is a you

Pondering all the existential questions:

What is the meaning of life? Is God real?

Can you get to your job without getting shot?

 

Your notebooks were hidden from the old regime

Your notebooks are now hidden from the new

Is there enough food for today, for tomorrow -

Rough men with guns are beating on your door

 

Somewhere in Syria there is a you

In the next few seconds – what will you do?

The Bond Girls are Grannies Now - poem

 

Lawrence Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

 

The Bond Girls are Grannies Now

 

James Bond’s girlfriends are mostly grannies now

Sweatpants and sneaks instead of bikinis

The school run with the grandchildren, the grocery store

Volunteering at the public library

 

If one of them mentions she once kissed Roger Moore

No one knows who he was – the Lone Ranger, maybe?

Adolescent hippie-color fantasies

Budgeting for the grandchildren’s new shoes

 

Didn’t you used to be somebody?

Well, yes, and you?

The United States Postal Service is Holding my Mail Hostage in Exchange for my Credit Card Number

  

Lawrence Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

 

The United States Postal Service is Holding my Mail Hostage

in Exchange for my Credit Card Number

 

The Postal Service claims that my zip code is not my zip code

They want confirmation and three cents to redeliver

They want my credit card number for those three cents

As if anyone can trust the USPS

 

They can’t even get mail delivery right:

They place other people’s letters in my mailbox

And the packages I receive have often been penetrated

By busy little postal workers’ hands

 

And for this they want my credit card

As the old cliché says, what could possibly go wrong?