The Problems with Self-Publishing - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com

Dispatches for the Colonial Office

 

The Problems with Self-Publishing

 

The problems with self-publishing are self-publishers:

“Everyone just loves my book; tell me what you think

It’s about my cousin who was a Navy SEAL

And then became a millionaire and then a priest

 

“He saved the nation from nuclear warfare

In a mission so classified that we can’t talk about it

(But he told me all about it, of course)

And then he saved souls and counseled popes 

“My book is inspired by the Holy Spirit

So read it tonight and tell me what you think”

Has All the Gold Been Stolen from Fort Knox? - doggerel

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com

Dispatches for the Colonial Office

 

Has All the Gold Been Stolen from Fort Knox?

 

Elon Musk encouraged to crack open Fort Knox and audit the gold reserves

-New York Post, 16 February 2025

 

President Musk will now make an audit

Of the gold in Fort Knox, down to the dime

But all he will find (he may have already caught it)

Is the missing TP from the covid time!

Go Ask Your Father - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com

Dispatches for the Colonial Office

 

Go Ask Your Father

 

“Go ask your father.”

 

“Go ask your mother.”

 

“She said to ask you.”

 

“Go ask her anyway.”

 

“Go ask your father again.”

 

“He said to ask you.”

 

“Well I told you to ask him.”

 

“It’s your mother’s decision.”

 

“He says it’s your decision.”

 

“It’s okay with me if it’s okay with your mother.”

 

“It’s okay with me if it’s okay with your father.”

 

 

That was always soooooooooooooooo annoying.

 

 

I wish I could be that annoyed again.

Portrait of Monsieur Gaudry and His Daughter - a poem based on the painting

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com

Dispatches for the Colonial Office

 

Portrait of Monsieur Gaudry and His Daughter

 

For all Daughters and Their Fathers

 

Monsieur is dressed for a quiet evening at home

As is his daughter in her cozy white wrap

Leaning dutifully upon his shoulder as he predicts

With globe and maps the empires of her mind

 

The empires of her mind which she will rule

With subtle wit and work instead of war

With armies of thought and beauty and art and truth

To conquer chaos and set the world aright

 

This guardian of goodness in a little girl’s guise

(But inwardly, I think, she’s rolling her eyes)

 

 

“The Geography Lesson,” Louis-Leopold Boilly, 1812, Kimbell Art Museum, Fort Worth, Texas

Each Kiss is a Distraction - a poor attempt at a senryu

  

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com

Dispatches for the Colonial Office

 

Each Kiss is a Distraction

 

While we weren’t watching

They might have declared war on Canada

We’d better check around

Watching the Rain Without You - poem

 Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com

Dispatches for the Colonial Office

 

Watching the Rain Without You

 

The rain is incomplete without you

If you were here we could sit on the couch

I’d put a Frank Sinatra on the machine

So he and the rain could sing to us

 

But especially to you

 

The rain is incomplete without you

If you were here we could lie on the floor

As I read the funny papers to you

And do you like good ol’ Charlie Brown?

 

But of course you do

 

The rain is incomplete without you

It misses you almost as much as I

 

Almost

Groovin' on Graveyards - a poem about the night shift

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com

Dispatches for the Colonial Office

 

The Graveyard Shift

 

At two in the morning everything is old

The hours, the work, the fluorescent lights

The air, the night, flickering computer screens

Even the freshly-made coffee in the break room

 

At two in the morning everything is old

The way the new guy snuffles his dripping nose

The cleaning lady’s mop bucket and its rattling roll

The snoopervisor’s totally fake good cheer

 

At two in the morning everything is old

“You’ll love the fellowship on graveyards,” I was told