Wednesday, September 27, 2023
Monday, September 25, 2023
Southeast Texas Alerting Network Adventures in Registration - weekly column 25 September 2023
Lawrence Hall, HSG
Southeast Texas
Alerting Network Adventures in Registration
Last week KJAS Radio published a notice that those of us
already signed up for STAN, the acronym for Southeast Texas Alerting Network, will
have to register again for continued service, and that those without this
needful program can sign up now [Jasper County Residents must re-register for STAN | Local
News | kjas.com].
STAN’s mission, per Amanda Gates, is to send out
emergency alerts (fires, weather, and other crises), and notifications
regarding street closures, water outages, traffic issues, and other useful
information.
This summer I was certainly grateful for the wildfire
alerts, and given our area’s dangerous weather, including tornadoes and
hurricanes, this is a useful service.
Signing up for STAN is said to take only a few minutes.
This was true last year; it is not now. Not for me, anyway. STAN is operated by
a body styling itself Everbridge (and what is that supposed to mean?), and
Everbridge has made registering a (insert expletive of choice here).
First of all, Everbridge insisted that my email address,
which I have used for years, is not my email address, and blocked my re-registration
without any means of appeal.
Given that re-registration is not a possibility according
to Everbridge, I decided to register as if I were a new user. This was tedious but
do-able; however, Everbridge insisted that my username was already in use. I
tried a different name. This time Everbridge simply said that the username was
not acceptable. I then went through some 20-30 usernames without success. Name
after name, dreary imaginings and re-entries worthy of Coleridge’s “Rime of the
Ancient Mariner.” The username that finally worked was an allusion to Saylor’s
Creek, where my great-grandfather was made a prisoner-of-war (you know, one of
those people a certain former president who never made the first day of recruit
training doesn’t like) in 1865.
After an hour or so of fiddle-faddling with Everbridge’s
obscure system, I am registered. I think. We’ll see.
I then read some of the heavy-handed warnings: “You must
comply with Everbridge’s Acceptable Use Policy,” “You will be responsible…,”
and a whole catalogue of such verbiage apparently generated by someone who
wanted to be a prison camp guard and couldn’t meet the standards:
You will not…
You may not…
You must not…
You must…
You agree immediately…
You will be responsible…
You must comply…you must comply…you must comply…
You acknowledge and agree…
You agree to…
There are also cautions against transmitting secret
federal information. I don’t have any secret federal information and if I did I
couldn’t send it via STAN; this is a passive reception scheme that does not
accept messages.
Everbridge is also known as:
Critical Event Management
Safety Connection
Community Engagement
Visual Command Center
Crisis Commander (isn’t this a video game?)
CareConverge
ManageBridge
EngageBridge
HipaaBridge
SecureBridge
Interactive Visibility
Nixle
No wonder Everbridge can’t keep email addresses straight;
they appear not to know who they are.
Despite the vague sound of unmarked stealth UN
helicopters, participating in STAN is one of our county government’s better
ideas for promoting safety, and I encourage the reader to sign up for it.
Besides, maybe next year someone will have some high school
students design an easier-to-use interface. I’ll bet they can do it.
For now, begin with Everbridge.com.
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Sunday, September 24, 2023
You Can Never be an Icon
You Can Never be an Icon
One longs to read an newspaper article or hear a news report in which the writer or speaker does not refer to someone as an icon.
Royalty-free image from: https://www.pxfuel.com/en/search?q=orthodox+icons
Tuesday, September 19, 2023
A Station Stop for the Hummingbird Express
Lawrence Hall, HSG
Dispatches for the Colonial Office
A Station Stop for
the Hummingbird Express
Hummingbirds buzz the sugar water buffet
At this junction for the connection to Mexico
I feel I should be wearing a white apron and cap
Refills for everyone – and will that be to go?
No ideological baggage, no bumper stickers
Their maps all drawn for them by an invisible Hand
Their simple duties a transcendent joy
An ancient mission through divine command
Hummingbirds buzz the sugar water buffet
Then with a goodbye to summer they wing away
Sunday, September 17, 2023
What This Country Needs is a Better Class of Criminals
Lawrence Hall, HSG
Dispatches for the Colonial Office
17 September 2023
What This Country
Needs is a Better Class of Criminals
I don’t mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one.
-Rick in Casablanca
I was frustrated when my lawnmower wouldn’t start. I had bought a new battery and was annoyed that it wasn’t holding a charge. I dismounted, dragged up my rolling stool, and sat down to examine the battery that to my surprise wasn’t there.
A thief in the night had yanked the battery, leaving only the stripped ends of the leads. That was unprofessional; a good thief would have brought the proper wrench or used the one I left within an arm’s reach of the mower. Tools were available, the porch light was more than adequate – how much of the work does a homeowner have to do for the contemporary petty criminal?
The bungling burglar didn’t get far with the battery, however; I found it about twelve feet away from the mower. The poor sap had somehow tripped, bringing some stacked firewood down upon him, and dropping the battery while in flight. A few feet away he managed to trip again over some more firewood, which is just plain embarrassing. As a taxpaying citizen I expect a higher class of thief. No, I don’t necessarily mean a Raffles or a John “The Cat” Robie, but maybe just a good quality journeyman crook looking to build a better career.
The not-a-cat burglar does get some credit for focus, though. Close by the lawnmower was a Stihl leaf blower worth far more than the lawnmower battery, as well as an old but high-quality battery charger and a small air compressor. But, no sir, the lad wanted a lawnmower battery and he avoided all distractions in going for that. We must admire his sense of mission.
The follow-through was inept, though, leaving the battery, the object of his endeavors, behind like that.
And a real professional would not have left messes – electric leads torn loose, firewood all over the porch – it’s unseemly.
Frankly, I’m disappointed in the overall quality of burglars and looters today. Is this the best America can do? Texans used to make off with herds of cattle and now they can’t even pinch a lawnmower battery without botching the job.
I blame the teachers, fluoride, George Bush, vaccines, and Jewish space lasers for the poor quality of contemporary criminals. C’mon, America; we can do better!
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Monday, September 11, 2023
Lipton's Tea - Tin from Hong Kong, 1970, photograph
I bought this tin - which really is made of tin - in Hong Kong in 1970 while on R & R. I still make a cup from these leaves every few years.
Sunday, September 10, 2023
Tea for Texas - weekly column 10 September 2023
Lawrence Hall, HSG
Tea for Texas
Major General Urquhart: "Hancock, I've got lunatics laughing at me from the woods. My original plan has been scuppered now that the jeeps haven't arrived. My communications are completely broken down. Do you really believe any of that can be helped by a cup of tea?”
Corporal Hancock: “Couldn't
hurt, sir.”
-A Bridge Too Far
Bubba Ebarb, of happy memory, required certain specific performances for his several successful restaurants. One of his rules was that the iced tea would never reach the old age of one hour before it was tossed and replaced with a fresh brewing of the refreshing leaf.
This is the sort of value that made him a great success. Unfortunately, such reasonable expectations appear to be rarer now.
Iced tea has been a staple since around the time of the St. Louis Exposition in 1904 (Meet Me in St. Louis) when mechanical ice-making, the existing popularity of tea, an especially hot summer, and thirsty fairgoers together made a historical shift in refreshment.
Once upon a time in Texas a glass of good, fresh iced tea was easily available at any café’ in the Lone Star Republic, but now it’s a little more difficult to find at all and is often a vintage sludge.
Last week I stopped at a Famous Name Fat Foodery in Buffalo, Texas for a refreshing mid-morning cup of the good stuff, and the muffly voice crackling through the grill said that they didn’t have any tea-tea but that their mango tea was really good.
Mango tea.
In Buffalo, Texas.
As Macduff does not say in Macbeth, “Oh, Texas, when wilt thou find thy wholesome ways again!”
Has Texas become a colony of West Hollywood? Is Mission Espiritu Santo at Goliad now a fusion cuisine restaurant specializing in avocado toast? When Cabeza de Vaca and his companions made their epic, years-long trek across Texas did they consider the majesty of the land and its vast spaces and exclaim, “Here we will establish our fruit bars, our incense shops, our therapy spas, our vegetarian Thai takeouts, our tea shops of infused bamboo shoots!”
On down the road I found a big Famous Name Brand truck stop which featured several tanks of iced tea. The first tank oozed out something like an oil change. The second tank dribbled out something even darker and more viscous.
I bought a bottle of water from the cooler.
Look, I’m not a tea snob; I’m even cool with teabags (gasp!). In the winter I like a good cuppa char; just a good black tea / schwarztee, and at all times I’m up for a glass of iced tea, Texas’ national beverage. The essential factor is that the tea is fresh.
Real Texans / Texians / Tejanos / Texicans drink real tea and drink it real fresh. Bubba would expect no less. God bless fresh tea, God bless Bubba Ebarb, and God bless Texas.
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